I was looking through my sent emails the other day trying to find something I’d recommended to a friend so I could pass the same recommendation on to another one and wound up spending half a day just perusing some of the things I say. I have found that there’s a slight case to be made for the argument that I’m grumpy.
- Having a set of testicles doesn’t make you a man any more than standing in a library makes you intelligent.
- Sitting on your ass and bitching about the rottenness of the world is fairly pointless. First of all it violates my Third Law, to wit: the right to bitch is reserved for those willing to make a difference. Besides, a world that has kitties to nom your toes while you type has a lot of hope left if you’re not too blinded by perspective to see it.
- First you whine about my chili, and now you want some, fine you can suck out any that’s left in my beard. Ingrate!
- Lefty? Righty? Blow Me! I’m neither left nor right wing, neither Republican nor Democrat because I have room for more than one thought in my head at a time.
- Doubts about Darwin? Actually I think Darwin pretty much has the right idea, but every time I have to click spam for a message about Viagra on a website I sponsor that has lesbian right in the title I’m plagued by a small, lingering doubt.
- “I DON’T UNDERSTAND BROADS.” Well Sparky, I think they understand you.
- I appreciate the Honor Harrington series of books for three reasons. First because its basically Horatio Hornblower in space, Forrester was such a good writer that he even made being in the navy sound appealing. Secondly, its good science fiction with lots of nerdy tech mixed with well-developed characters. Third, is has a female lead and I really get tired of the testosterone-laden tomes centered around men. By and large the people that think women have no place in combat haven’t served with women, and I really recommend these books to them, it’ll start to drag them into the modern century.
- Nobody ever wins a fight, even if you come out of it unmarked you’re still an idiot for having gone to blows in the first place. This from an expert, I’ve been an idiot several times, I just have the self-awareness to admit it.
- Speaking as someone who’d been a ‘beneficiary’ of government healthcare since 1984, and is now disabled, I’m saying that its neither a great nor terrible thing, just that your mileage may vary. By the way, never make the mistake of saying it’s free, they deduct my monthly payment right out of my retirement and disability every month. Somebody is paying, always. You don’t think that the pharmaceutical industry pumped $100 million into backing the current Healthcare plan because they thought it was the right thing to do, do you? That’s spending roughly $2.50 a person for a whole new client base that can afford their stuff now.
- It’s only my perspective? Of course its perspective, if we all saw things the same way we’d only have one political party. Wait, we have two but since they both vote for how the money flows there is a case that their perspective binds them together.
- I have no philosophical problems with the concept of a God, I just don’t want to listen to people preach at me for or against the existence of one.
- Some think it was callous, but when the doctor told me that “today is probably the best you’ll feel for the rest of your life,” I didn’t take that as grim news, it was her way of telling me what was ahead and that I’d better prepare myself for it.
- Water is good for you? Water has killed more people than wars. Parasites and diseases, breeding ground for mosquitoes, drowning, hell it’ll even make a car rust. You need water to live but I like mine boiled and sanitized with either coffee or tea, or barley and hops.
- “The Air Force sleeps in hard billets where their sheets are changed for them every day?” Are you a USAF recruiter? I’ve slept in cots no wider than my shoulders with the same sheets I stuffed into my A-bag for months at a time, sometimes I even got to wash them. By the way, I shared those tents, not hard billets, with 20-30 other guys, it was the dainty waft of dirty socks and guys that snored like woodchippers.
- Opinion is thinking a politician is an idiot, annoying is your long email telling me why.
- All I need to do to restore my faith in the world is sit on my back porch on a chilly fall morning with a cup of hot coffee and listen to the birds thank me for filling the feeders.
- I’ll give you the same advice I’ve given to my daughter and every female friend I have. “There are two kinds of men in the world, married men and pigs, and half of the married men are pigs; and, until proven otherwise they all have Gynosyphiherpeles.”
- There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my dog, and the world would be a better place if people took the time to make a dog part of their family, especially those that leave them chained in the back yard their whole lives. There’s a difference between having a dog, and having a dog in the family, even if the family is just a person and their dog. Want to know what complete love and adoration is? Come home to your Fido after a long shitty day and return to your natural place as the center of someone’s universe. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a kitten purring in my ear like an untimed chainsaw and so I’m off to be the center of another universe.
© 2010, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.