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Chat Snippet: “Morlock”

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Her: “You wouldn’t believe the sorts of weddings people try to hire me for.”
Me: “Oh, such as?”
Her: “Picture a bride in a dancehall girl getup with goggles and a sword with copper tubes on it.”
Me: “Ok, pictured.”
Her: “And another one where they all dressed up like that cowboy space show where they all wore brown.”
Me: “So you turned down a steampunk wedding and a Firefly wedding.”
Her: “Hell yes, too freakign weird for me.”
Me: “You’re a morlock. Plain and simple, straight up morlock.”
Her: “What the hell is a morlock?”
Me: “*sighs* somebody that can’t figure out google.”

*wanders off to beat head on wall*

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Chat Snippet: “Glass Houses, Dude”

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Him: “[Sends me a URL to a picture] Batgirl would never get that large.”
Me: “Glass houses, Dude.”
Him: “???”
Me: “That means compared to you I’m a Chippendale’s dancer, maybe you want to rethink flinging rocks or poo in anyone’s direction.”
Him: “Man your an asshole!”
Me: “Glass houses, Dude.”

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Chat Snippet: “Temptation”

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Her: “Just because you are married doesn’t mean you don’t have temptations!”
Me: “My temptations go something like this: Kim’s oatmeal cookies, tea, coffee, Dr Pepper, carrot cake, red velvet cake, Subway’s Italian BMT and BBQ Ribs. People don’t tempt me, they just make me reach for a camera.”

 

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Gandalf

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Reasons that Gandalf didn’t need to be some ultra powerful spell-slingin’ uber-wizard.

1. Tolkien wasn’t a munchkin, min-maxer, or power gamer, so he didn’t get his jollies writing overpowered characters.
2. The main power of wizards is knowledge and wisdom, they have some spell-type stuff, but they were send to advise and give good counsel, not to grab evil by the balls and squeeze it out of existence.
3. Plot trumps power. Tolkien wrote a story where problems were solved bycooperation, hard work, sweat, pain and loss, not some pointy-headed dweeb with a wand.
4. It was up to Middle-Earth to struggle for its freedom and safety to earn it, not have it handed to them.
5. Yes, with an uber-wizard and a couple of eagles the Lord of the Rings would be about a chapter long, and nobody would read it, and it wouldn’t have millions of copies and been constantly in print since it’s first run until today.

And why didn’t they just fly over and drop the ring into Mt Doom?

“…”The Eagles are a dangerous ‘machine’. I have used them sparingly, and that is the absolute limit of their credibility or usefulness. “
― Letter 210, J.R.R. Tolkien…”

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Chat Snippet: Table Flipping Math Coupling

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Her: “How do you define a couple shot?”
Me: “Two people in frame when I take the picture.”
Her: “But what if they aren’t a couple?”
Me: “Still two of them to pose.”
Her: “But if they aren’t intimate they aren’t a ‘couple.'”
Me” “If they are being intimate I turn off the camera and sneak out.”
Her: “You’re just making this difficult on purpose.”
Me: “1+1=2, a couple is 2, a few is 3, a group is 4+, 4+ – clothes is an orgy and camera is still off. Simple as can be smile emoticon 
Her: <flips table and screams>

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Chat Snippet: Padawan

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Her: “It worked.”
Me: “??? confused_rev emoticon 
Her: “Remember the creepy guy that keeps hitting on me at the bar? 4 kids from 3 women.”
Me: “Oh, I gave you a couple of thoughts on him, which worked?”
Her: “I told him that if he didn’t stay the f**k away from me I’d use his skull for a condom dispenser.”
Me: “Not bad, it worked huh?”
Her: “Especially as loud as I yelled it in the middle of the bar.”
Me: “You have not displeased me, young padawan.”

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Chat Snippet: Red Dot Your Dishonored Cow

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I have a lot of random conversations through the interwebs, here’s a piece of one.

Me: “I’m having more fun than a red dot at a furry convention.”
Him: “Why would that be fun.”
Him: “Wait, crap. Your gonna nerd shame me for this right?”
Me: “Nope, and I’m sure that you’ll figure out what red dots and animals have in common.”
Me: “But… Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow! Until then.”
Him: “Damn it!”

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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