Tag Archives: WTF???

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Gaming Loophole

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Categories: Goofing Off, Tags: , , ,

Once upon a very long time ago (I was 14 or so) I was playing with a fairly new DM that let my character amass entirely too much power and swag. To counter this, he told me when I hit my next level he was going to take my character and retire it to demi-god status. I was a bit heartbroken, it was incredibly overpowered and badassed and what kid that age wouldn’t want a character like that. I was dodging fights and still gaining XP and coming closer to that dreaded time of surrendering the character. I think I was within 25 points when a random encounter roll put me in the same room as a succubus. He looked at me in horror and asked if I was going to kiss it to lose a level and hold on to the character a while longer. Kiss her? Hell no, I’m going to sleep with her! was my enthusiastic reply. Yes, I lost about 3/4 of my levels, but I still had all the swag and gear, so he still had to put up with me. He never got the character, I moved first, and nobody else would let that sucker in their games, but I made the most of the time I had him, and gloried in the stress I caused that poor rookie DM as he tried to find ways to kill it off.

© 2017, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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A Tip on Cows

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Categories: Memoirs, The WTF??? Files, Tags: , , ,

A safety tip for city folk: Cow-tipping isn’t a thing. Seriously. If you run across a field to build up enough momentum and somehow manage to surprise a cow (good luck, they are more attentive than you’d think) when you hit the side of the large, heavy animal, you will bounce off of it and it won’t feel good. Then you have several hundred pounds of ambulatory beef and leather’s full attention. By the way, cattle can run.

Believe it or not there have been scientific studies on the subject, and from these come estimates that it would take about six full-grown males hitting a cow broadside to possibly stand a chance. To do that you’re have to find a very inattentive and solitary cow, because they tend to group up, herd mentality at it’s purest, just to watch out for things like predators and drunk humans looking to knock them on their asses.

No, I’ve never tried to tip a cow, watched a few try it. Didn’t go well for them. Especially the guys that found out bulls can be territorial as all hell and chased them back across a fence before they got halfway to the cows. I’ve been in cow pens for various legitimate reasons, and on one occasion I had a cow stand on my foot while I was reading numbers on ear tags to find one that needed to be tested for something or another. Pushing said critter did not shift it an inch, it just turned and looked at me and made a loud protesting call that wouldn’t be confused with the traditional ‘moo.’ I managed to get my foot out but my foot hurt like hell for a few days.

I have managed to jump on a couple for very short rides, two ran away and I came off, nothing to hold on to, the third, a young-ish bull, chased my young dumb ass all the way to the nearest fence and butted me over the fence just as I was starting a jump to hurdle it. I cleared the fence and landed in an undignified lump a good 15′ or so on the other side. Alcohol may have been involved >.>

So, no cow-tipping. Doesn’t work, you want to play with beef, get some hamburger and make patties.

© 2016, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Snippet: Vices in Cosplay?

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Categories: Snippets, Tags: , ,

Her: “why do you take pics of people w/weapons and cigarrettes and stuff?”
Me: “Because they are depicting the character they’re portraying as accurately as they can. Deadpool has guns and swords, as do a lot of other characters, some characters smoke and drink and have bad habits and they choose to be in character. Kind of the point of cosplay.”
Her: “Well why do they pick such loser chaeracters then?”
Me: “For the same reason you’re asking me dumbassed questions, it’s fun for them and apparently you.”
Her: “why be rude dude?”
Me: “I wondered the same thing when you started taking about loser stuff, figured if that’s how you treat people it’s how you think you deserve to be treated. Golden rule and all that.”
Her: “dick!”
Me: No. Tim, says so right next to the stuff I type, handy, huh?”
Her: ” 凸(`д´)凸 ”
Me: “Oh wow, I’m number 1 with you twice! I’m blushing!”
Her: “you prick!”
Me: “If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh? And if you annoy me, shall I not repay in kind?”

Her next sentiment isn’t suitable for all ages, so we’ll just call it a table flip.

Not on the friends list, so friends list -0

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Snippet: The BDSM Looking Glass

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Categories: Snippets, Tags: , ,

Her1: “BDSM is just something for men to hide behind, it is textbook rape culture.”
Her2: “So since I’m a practicing submissive, I’m just enabling rape culture is what you’re saying?”
Her1: “Every man you’ve been with should just go to jail and you too as an accessory.”
Her2: “What men? I’m a lesbian.”
Her1: “Oh, well that’s different.”
Me: “@__@ ????”
Her2: “Bullshit!”
Me: “How the hell did I get dragged into this mess?”
Her2: “You know how you’re always saying labels and buzzwords are being used to replace actual thinking?”
Me: “Yes…”
Her2: “Meet [Her1] your poster child candidate for that argument.”
Me: “Okay, I award the mic drop to [Her2] and now I need to figure out how to get back to my side of the looking glass…”

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Snippet: Opinionated

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Categories: Snippets, Tags: , ,

Her: “You’re fat, ugly, opinionated and friendless,, so get over yourself.”
Me: “You forgot can’t dance, can’t sing, snores, flatulent, irreverent, arthritic, drives the speed limit even when people tailgate him in the slow lane, is very aware of his faults and doesn’t hide from them and doesn’t care what random people on the internet thinks of him. wink emoticon 

Background: She was the photographer at a wedding and ranted because a rather pregnant bride wore white. My opinion was that she was paid to be a wedding photographer and not a fashion critic and that someone paying for an event can wear anything that they like to that event. Things went downhill from there, and apparently that made me part of what is wrong with this country.

I thought that people not minding their own business was a bigger problem, but, what do I know?

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Snippet: Bewbs

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Categories: Snippets, Tags: , ,

Me: “I’ll rephrase the question, what kind of modeling are you hoping to do?”
Her: “like i said, boobs!”
Me: “Who’s on first?”
Her: “what?”
Me: “… <.< Sorry, disregard that, being random.”
Her: “k”
Me: “Alrighty then, I understand that you want your boobs to feature prominently in pictures taken of you, but what sort of modeling are you going to try and work into? Fashion, pin-up, lingerie, something else?”
Her: “something else?”
Me: Well, I asked for that, didn’t I? smile emoticon Okay, describe a shot that you’d like someone to take of you?”
Her: “face down to under my boobs.”
Me: “So, head shots and portraits?”
Her: “i geuss”
Me: Okay. Well, I guess the next obvious question is how do you want to display your boobs?”
Her: “bras langeray and bare i geuss”
Me: Well, I can’t help you with bare, I don’t work with bare models. I’m sure you can find another photographer that meets your needs.”
Her: “don’t you want to see a pix befor you say no?”
Me: “No, I’m good. Where are you at?”
Her: “boston”
Me: “Boston like in Mass?”
Her “theres only 1 boston! wink emoticon 
Me: “No, there are several actually. I thought when you checked my portfolio you said you didn’t live that far from us and that’s why you were interested. Boston is about 2,700 miles from me. Tell you what, I’m clicking off now, I suggest you start with the phone book for the greater Boston area, and have a wicked nice day.”

[bails from conversation]

Okay, since Allen Funt is dead, I’m going to assume that this wasn’t candid camera. But, if I find out that somebody I know decided to make my head explode… that’s a paddlin’!

© 2015, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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